I’ve falling off the finger-pricking wagon again. I’ve a million exuses why. Like, I burned my thumb on the woodstove and since it hurt really bad I should give my other fingers a break from the hurt, and, I’m running low on the test strips so I should conserve them, and, I haven’t received payment from our insurance for the strips and it’s Christmas/Birthday season around here so I should wait for that to buy more, etc. But they are all excuses. We can afford $36 bucks for another package of strips if needed.

WHY do I have such a hard time with this?? I remember being *so* good when I was pregnant and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes the first time. Then the second time I at least tested once a day. NOW, I can’t seem to test on a regular basis and I’m not sure what my deal is. I know when it’s high by how I feel and I think I do pretty darn good in the diet department. But a lot of times I feel like I’m not really sure what I’m doing.

The doctor I saw for this in October was so “ho hum” about things. I mean, he seemed pretty surprised that I didn’t realize I was diabetic, but he didn’t ask if I knew what I was doing. He did not give me any numbers to guide me. No BG goals, no carb counting goals, no goals at all actually. I don’t even think he suggested I lose weight. I think he figured I just knew it all since I had gestational diabetes twice? I did know what I was doing then but everything was geared for a different type of diabetes. I had a whole different insurance plan and the care was so completely different. (Kaiser). Is that the difference?

Am I supposed to go on the same diet? What the heck are my goals? I know they aren’t the same when you’re pregnant. And the internet is NOT the place to get information like that. What one person’s goal is may be completely unrealistic for another person. Plus you have to consider the many different medications, etc. I see him again next week and I need to make a list of things to ask. And I’m hoping he’ll refer me to a dietician. I really need to take charge of this but I don’t really know what to do half the time. It would’ve been nice to be given some of this information.

I am going to give him one more chance before I look elsewhere. His attitude about the whole thing really threw me off. It’s not that I expected him to flip out and go “OMG YOU HAVE DIABETES”, but the “whatever” attitude made me feel stupid. I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t ask enough questions. Then the pediatrist appointment.. THAT was just a joke. If this next appointment on the 23rd doesn’t go better, I’m ditching the clinic all together because they’ve dropped the ball 3 times in this ordeal. (The sending me away once, the ho hum doctor, and the foot doctor in a hurry.) I just feel lately like I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and that I have not been given the tools to fully understand and take control of this. I’ve done countless hours of reading on the internet but I have no idea what should pertain to me or not.

In other news, I’m down 24 lbs total. Not bad, huh? That is of course, counting the 15 I lost without trying (due to the high blood sugar levels). And I’ve maintained this. Not losing, not gaining. I still need to lose a lot and get more exercise. Between my job, the house, the kids, I swear I don’t have time to breathe most days. See? Excuses. I’m full of them lately.