Why is it so hard to find a good doctor? I need a little medical attention. Specifically some diabetes medical attention and a possible sinus infection. But because my doctor has stressed me out so many times I get almost panicky when I have to call him.

I end up with this internal battle with myself, trying to figure out if my issues with this doctor is him, or is it me? Take for example this post from a few years ago where I ramble about how I don’t like my doctor because of one little thing he said to me and I felt he brushed me off. Then I post that he’s not so bad. The thing is I still feel he brushes my concerns off and just wants to push pills on me. It seems if I try to question the choice to put me on pills at the first sign of any trouble, he acts like I’m just a dumb patient, take the pills and shut up.

Today I’m all anxious because I have to call him. (I only get his medical assistant’s voice mail whenever I call.. I doubt he’d give me the time of day over the phone..) I have knots in my stomach waiting for the assistant to call me back. I shouldn’t be this nervous/anxious/worried about even talking to his assistant but she’s just a clone of him attitude-wise. She always sounds put out that she has to return a call too. Besides calling the front desk to schedule appointments, I’ve called them 2 times since November, both for prescription refills, so I don’t think I’m calling too much. It’s it a lot to ask that they act like they WANT my business?

And that’s what it is. A business. I pay them to help me make decisions about my medical care, find any issues, and plan a course of action to fix the issues. I sure wish my doctor saw it this way. Instead I just feel like he’s in a hurry to throw some pills (I’m sure he treats the pharmaceutical reps better) at me and move on to the next dumb patient with cash or good insurance in their pockets.