I’ve had a few people ask me and/or express shock about my medical chart saying I had diabetes and my not knowing it.

First and foremost, I was in Denial (with a capital D).

Now that we’ve established that, lets back up a bit.

My first experience with diabetes was when I was pregnant with kid number 1. Yes… waaaaay back then when I was only 22. Around 6 months of pregnancy or so, they did the standard test they give all pregnant women around that time (where you drink the nasty orange or cola flavored stuff then draw blood an hour later) and they results came back “borderline”. So they had me come in for the fasting test. They draw blood, then have you drink the same nasty stuff then they draw your blood every hour for the next four hours. The results were again, “borderline”.

I was a single mom-to-be then and finances were tight. So my medical care was at a local state-funded clinic and I was assigned to a nurse practioner. I think he was young and just out of school. I remember he’d go and ask other nurses about the fasting results and eventually he just said to watch my diet. Kid number 1 was born 2.5 weeks early weighing only 7 lbs 9 ounces with no complications.

With kid number 2, I passed every test. No gestational diabetes. With kid number 3, I failed both the 1 hour and the fasting test miserably around the 6th month (gestational diabetes) and managed to control it with diet. I lost a bunch of weight on the diet (while pregnant) but baby and I stayed healthy. After the pregnancy I tested fine, the gestational diabetes went away. I promptly gained back the weight I’d lost.

Kid number 4: When I was only 5 weeks (yes weeks, not months) pregnant, I pulled out the old monitor I had left over from pregnancy #3 and tested for the heck of it. The number was over 200 and it flipped me out, so I immediately called my doc. She got me in right away and tested on their machines. It was over 180. They sent me to the hospital where I spent two days learning how to inject insulin. My HbA1c was 7.9. Now this is where it gets all hazy for me.

They told me I might’ve been diabetic already. But they also said maybe not. At the time it didn’t matter to me. Or maybe I didn’t listen carefully. I’m not real sure. They had scared me enough with all the risks to the baby that I just wanted to do whatever to make sure he’d be ok. To add to the confusion, our insurance changed and we had to switch practices halfway through the pregnancy and I started over with a whole new set of doctors. I was insulin dependent for the rest of the pregnancy and induced 3 weeks early. I managed to keep it under pretty good control and there was no harm to the baby at all.

I remember they did a test shortly after he was born. I believe it was around 5.9? I remember thinking that was good and normal and I could go on with my life. About a year later I had my yearly exam and my OB suggested another test for diabetes, probably because I was overweight… But the same endocrinologist I saw when I was pregnant was not available so they had a nurse practioner order the test. I got the HbA1c results in the mail and it was 6.1. I thought cool… no diabetes. I’m good to go. I didn’t follow through. No one called me from the clinic to follow through either. At some point my endocrinolgist left the practice.

In March, April, and May of 2003 I had a series of unfortunate incidences occur. I fell and split my lip in half and required stitches, I got one of the nastiest colds ever, got an abscess at the root of one of my teeth and had to have it pulled, found out I had gallstones and had my gallbladder removed. During all the doctors visits, not a single person asked me about diabetes or mentioned anything about it at all.

Friday I established with a new primary care physician. First thing he asked me was what he could do for me. I said, “I’m here because I just got diagnosed with diabetes.” He said, “but you knew that and were controlling it with your diet…. ?” That left J and I scratching our heads. I explained the 6.1 test I had in Feb 2002 and that it was good, so why would I think I was diabetic? He said, “6.1 is good for a diabetic“.

oh.

While no one ever asked me about it since Feb of 2002, I ultimately feel the “blame” (for not knowing) falls on my shoulders. I should have known that. But I had convinced myself that it was “good enough”.