Yeah, so. I suck at keeping this up to date. Even after all the changes I made here.

The thing is I’ve been going through my own changes. I’ve been moody, restless, frustrated…

The ‘betes has got me down. The weight of it just appears out of nowhere. Most of the time I’m ok.. then it’s like someone slapped me across the face with it.

One of my children said something to me the other day about a how habit of mine is going to kill me. It kinda ticked me off… and without thinking I replied that the diabetes would probably kill me first. What a totally messed up thing for me to say. Especially to a kid. I don’t even know where it came from. I try not to think about that much … on a conscious level anyway, but apparently I do on a subconscious level if I could blurt something like that out without even thinking.

On the surface… literally… I’ve become a bit obsessed with my appearance. Part of it is the weigh loss. Part of it is the sick jokes mother nature keeps playing on me. Styes in my eyes. Scars on my lips. Instead of feeling self-conscious about them, I’ve been trying to do something about it. In every case, there’s a period of panic while things look worse instead of better. I kick myself wondering what the hell have I done. It usually works out, though.

I went through such a thing last night. And it looks like crap. So here I panic all over, trying to tell myself it will be ok in the end. Ha.