I know I suck at keeping this thing up. I always think about writing here and think of things to post all the time. Unfortunately, I’m usually nowhere near a computer at those times and by the time I am, I’ve lost the motivation to post whatever it was.

The problem is…

I don’t know who reads this and an unsure how much of my thoughts/life I should reveal. I feel guarded. Perhaps due to having too many bad experiences with blogging and posting on the internet in general. The bottom line is I’ve lost sight of why I started this to begin with.

At first it was supposed to be “all about me”. A place to post whatever I want, whenever, without feeling like I was hogging up the posting space at our family site. But then too often I didn’t know if what I wanted to post was more fitting here, or there. So I’d end up not posting at either.

Then there was The Diagnosis. And I decided this would be the perfect place to write about my diabetes. I even changed the description to “My life with Diabetes” or something close. (I can’t remember!) But after venting and ranting about it, I ran out of things to share about it. (Other than saying every day that it sucks and I hate having diabetes which I imagine would get old and boring after a while.) Still, I feel obligated to come up with diabetic related posts, since that’s what I said this was going to be about.

A couple months ago I changed the description (A personal web log about my life. Oh yeah and I have diabetes, too) in an effort to motivate myself to post whatever/whenever again. But that’s as far as I got.

I know it’s rather stupid to have a public blog at all if I worry about who’s reading it. Like, what’s the point? But that’s just it. I don’t know. I don’t know if I want my thoughts just ‘out there’. On the other hand, I find some value in posting or I wouldn’t have bothered at all. But what value? I have no clue. Sometimes it feels good to type out exactly what I feel. And sometimes I do just that. But those posts never make it past “save” and before publishing I end up deleting it.

It’s this viscious circle of feeling like I’m wasting my time with this thing. If I post and don’t pubish, I wasted time. If I fret over it, I’m wasting time. So I just end up avoiding it all together.

I read on another popular blog that a ‘good blog’ is one where the author makes a point to post every day. But I don’t know if I even care enough to make this a ‘good blog’. Should I?

Well, this is just a bunch of nonsense. ha! I am just trying to work through whether or not I want to continue this at all, and exactly my reasons for why, either way. Because I really don’t know…

I originally came here to post about something really freaky that happened yesterday because I don’t feel it’s ‘family-oriented’ enough to post on the family site. But I chickened out on posting it. It’s just too weird and freaky.. and would be so ‘out there’ from my past postings. Maybe when the dust settles from this ‘incident’ and I figure out where I’m going with this, I’ll post it. But I suppose I should first decide if I’m keeping this blog, or not.